


Affirmation of the Wolf

by Gnine, XmagicalX (Xparrot)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e01 Sentinel Too, Gen, Spirit Guides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-05-21
Updated: 1998-05-21
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/83910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnine/pseuds/Gnine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/XmagicalX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Sentinel Too follow-up.</i> A Sentinel needs a Guide; one must be chosen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affirmation of the Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is something my sister and I have been working on, as we couldn't get to sleep last night until we did. So we just kinda came up with this, almost desperately, as well as about 20 other ideas to reverse this horror that UPN has unloaded upon us. This is my first posted fanfic, so any response would be very welcome. I'm desperate here!  
> ~G9  
> "No, god, no..."
> 
> Yup. I did most of the actual writing, but my sister was responsible for most of the plot, so it evened out. And it did help us sleep last night. Hope you like it too—oh yes, e-mail sis, maybe she'll actually post something on her own!  
> ~XmagX  
> "This isn't over"

He stared blindly at the body, seeing it, not seeing it, colors and shapes and random images unmoving, gray eyes, gray skin, all was colorless, soundless. "Let it go, let it go," a meaningless flow of syllables from a meaningless voice.

"No, god, no..."

"Every Sentinel has a partner."

He whipped around, hearing that voice, knowing that voice more intimately than his own. Dark leaves surrounding him, the thick moist blackness of the jungle. In the center of it glowed the alter, the old stone giving off its own dim light. And standing around it, faces painted in a myriad array of patterns, were silent watchers, human, not human, hard to say under the shifting canopy of sun and shadows.

"A decision, Sentinel."

That wasn't the voice, deeper, calmer than he ever could be, except when death's cold mask was upon him.

"What decision?" Jim's own voice was ragged. "Your decision or mine?"

No hesitation, as if there was only one answer possible. "Yours."

Another voice. "This one or another?"

"Another what?" Anger driving out the terror.

No reply but a cat's growl from the altar. Black jaguar, sleek and beautiful, and beneath its deadly claws the wolf, paws bound, immobile. Again the cat snarled and its fangs dipped toward the thick-furred throat.

"A Sentinel needs a Guide. One must be chosen."

"What?" Could he make this choice, was it his own?

"The wolf lies dead. Another must be found."

"No!" As before, he didn't know, had he screamed aloud or only in his mind? "It's not dead—" He can't be.

"The panther has let it die," accused one of the watchers.

"No..."

"If the Sentinel does not accept the Guide, another Guide must be found."

"No!" And this time it was undoubtedly aloud. "I accepted him, when didn't I accept him? He's my Guide..."

"The panther and the wolf were allies, but when the jaguar came for the wolf the panther stepped aside."

"No, I didn't." Automatically he denied it. "I didn't let her..." But he hadn't been there...

"The Sentinel must trust the Guide as the Guide must trust the Sentinel."

_I got to have a partner I can trust._ His words knifed through him. But hadn't he? He had been angry, but had he ever doubted—yes. He had. "I was wrong." Here the words came easily, the admittance a simple one to make because of its truth. No lies could last in this dappled darkness, but honesty was powerful. "I do trust him."

They didn't hear, or if they had they didn't acknowledge it. "A Guide that can be trusted must be chosen."

"I have a Guide," Jim cried, "I have a Guide I can trust—"

"The wolf is dead."

Let it go. No, it couldn't be, he couldn't...He stared at the unmoving body of the wolf beneath the ebony panther. Listened, as he had been taught to do, focused his hearing.

And heard it, as he hadn't been able to before, the heartbeat, so faint it didn't stir the hairs of the throat. But the pulse still beating, the blood still flowing sluggishly, invisibly, but he could hear it..."It's not dead, he's not dead!"

But they didn't hear him. "The panther will find another."

"No," he insisted, "I won't allow it, he's alive—"

"If one is not trusted another must be chosen," repeated one who had spoken before.

"No, you don't understand," argued Jim. "I can't have another, my Guide is still alive. I couldn't have another."

"If a Guide isn't trusted—"

"Dammit, I trust him!" Jim shouted, cutting the speaker off. "With my life, with my secret, with everything that matters—"

"Then another Guide must be chosen." As if he hadn't interrupted.

"I can't," he told them. "I can't choose another. I choose him now, I—"

"A Sentinel and a Guide must trust each other."

"I've trusted him." His memory churned with a thousand separate examples, a thousand times that trust had been maintained. "I trust him to call for backup, I trust him to be backup, to be my partner, to watch my back. I trust him to tell me what's wrong and to listen when I tell him what's going on, to pull me out of a zone, to know what to do..." But not with that damned dissertation, not with his research. And not with another Sentinel; he hadn't trusted him not to betray him, when it mattered so much he had failed him. "I trust him." But not far enough...

And they knew. "A Sentinel must believe in his Guide."

And then he was furious, furious that they doubted him, furious that they had reason to doubt, furious that this had happened at all. Furious that they asked him to make an impossible choice, and that they would direct how he chose. "I believe in him, you know that, but it's over, that's what you want me to say. You want me to put my trust in someone else, find a new Guide.

"But I can't, I can't chose another. You want another Guide, but I couldn't trust another Guide. Because he isn't my Guide. Not just. He tests me, he pulls me from zones, he tells me what to sense, how to sense it, he showed me what I could do. But there's more. He is my partner. He's the one I give my phone to, knowing that he'll call for backup, and I can still trust to have him behind me when I need him. He's the one who took down my enemy on our first case. He's the partner I talked down from a hallucination in the parking garage, the one who went back with me to Peru, the one I chose to take along though I always worked alone.

"He's my roommate. Weird foods and strange music and the messes and my house rules, I put up with him, he puts up with me. We share the rent and meals and I wake him up from nightmares and he wakes me. He's the heartbeat downstairs when I can't sleep, the one that I can hear now even if you can't.

"He's the one I joke with, the one that makes me smile at things when before I never thought anything was funny. The one I discuss women with, he advises me, I tease him. He's my fishing buddy, my fellow camper, chauffeur if I'm hurt, navigator on trips though he'll get us lost if I give him the map. I know all his weaknesses and I love all his strengths. I talk to him, like I can't with anyone else. He's my best friend.

"I can choose another Guide, but I can't put that trust in another, I can't make another friend as fast as this one. I couldn't even if I wanted to. We've gone through too much together, we've joked too many times to ever tease another the same way, we've faced too many bastards and criminals and monsters together to be able to deal with them apart.

"I choose my Guide now, I choose the man I place all my trust in, that I promise to believe in, though I haven't before, I will trust him now, I won't betray him again. I choose Blair. Over all others. Always."

For an eternity they all gazed at him, opaque eyes revealing nothing of any emotions they might have. And then as one they nodded, and one spoke. "The panther decides."

"You said it was my choice—" Jim gasped, turning anxious eyes to the panther. The huge cat snarled, tossed back its head and opened its fanged jaws wide. One massive paw lifted over the helpless wolf, came smashing down.

But instead of ripping through the vulnerable throat, it slashed the ropes binding the paws. The head lowered, the rough tongue gently licked the furred skull.

Under the touch the wolf jerked, golden eyes opening as it struggled to its feet under the panther's watchful gaze. With one smooth motion it leapt from the altar, bounded toward Jim, the panther at its heels. He turned as the wolf paced past, and then looked down at the warm presence that flowed against his thigh. The low rumble of a big cat's purr, but nothing there.

Looking up, he caught the briefest glimpse of the wolf's bushy tail, disappearing into—into a body.

It returned to him in a rush of grief and pain, and he heard other voices, warm ones, living emotion-filled ones. "Come on, Jim, don't do this Jim, please..."

And then a gasp. "Oh my God, we got a pulse—"

"What?" From several voices.

"A pulse, he's alive."

"My God." The others took it up as a chant. And one voice came forward, "Jim, did you hear that? He's alive! Did you hear?"

Of course he did, he could now, the pulse, strong again in his ears, the one he had chosen and would always choose. Pushing aside the others, kneeling by the body, not gray but pinking flesh, living, breath and blood moving, and then the dark lashes flickered. Brushing aside the damp dark curls he put one hand on the smooth forehead and felt the skin warming beneath it.

Ignoring, unaware of the others around him murmuring in shocked surprise and relief, he rested his head against the chest, the wet threads and folds of the jacket rubbing against his ear. Cold, but heat flowed under it, and the slow steady thudding of his Guide's heart beat louder than all other sounds.

Around him the EMT fretted, hands pressed to the bloody wound, but Jim knew that it wasn't as serious as it seemed, could feel the body already beginning the journey to healing. It wasn't over, not yet, not when Alex still went free and dangerous, when the jaguar still prowled unchallenged. But he knew that they would beat that yet, and he could rest in the comfort of his decision, knowing that he had made the correct choice, for now and for always.


End file.
